Three Sixty-Five Days of Loneliness

i attended a medichem (unilab cns division) activity in crowne plaza. gary v was their guest. he's good! then he sang "sana maulit muli".

it made me think of what happened a year ago. did i really make the right decision? maybe i did, maybe i did not.

looking back on the three years of what happened to me...it made me smile and it made cry. smile because i know in my own special way i know i gave my love to someone and i know that i made him happy. cry because we had, like any other relationships, fair share of roller-coaster ride. on the first few months of our relationship, we would argue about little things and some big things also. then as we progress in the relationship we would still argue on some things that we have argued already. i would always ask for another chance and he would always say yes.

we went out with his friends, my friends, his family, and my family. it's like the perfect homo relationship, in which our relationship is accepted in both our families and peers. to some people it is like hitting the jackpot but for it's not like that. yes, i must say i'm lucky for having been raised in a liberal family but i have to also act to the expectations of the people around us. but still we are lucky to have each other.

still we fought...until july 21, 2010 came. we again fought, i was called a monster (correct me if i'm wrong), and i won't deny that, but i would have preferred a bad fairy instead. then i saw something posted in facebook...happiness is... i asked why he posted it, he said because he is looking for the meaning of happiness. we argued that night. me, i asked again for another chance, he gave it. but as we slept together holding hands, my mind was asking me...can i stay in this relationship for another year? should i stay? should i give him the freedom that he wants?

i woke in the morning with a decision. i packed my things, 1 laptop bag, 1 traveling bag, 1 backpack, and 1 paper bag. i was about to leave when he woke up. he asked me if i can bring all my things....i did not say yes. what i said was "nandito na ung simcard (on the top of it was a ring) at kukunin ko lahat ng gamit ko sa sabado. i felt as if i was choked. as i rode the jeepney, i sent him a message "HAPPINESS IS FREEDOM AND I'M GIVING IT TO YOU".

now as my journey to my 365 days of loneliness...i have come to a point wherein i find myself back to my old self again but i know some things have changed. but still as mew (love of siam character) said "I AM FRIGHTENINGLY LONELY"

now a new question has entered my mind, will i ever meet someone like him, with the same accepting family and peers? or will i stay lonely?

but for now i am preparing myself in my trek for the next 365 days of my life....